Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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