I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
