An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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