If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
