Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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