What did we do last night that was yellow?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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