I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
