i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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