Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
