A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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