And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
