Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
