just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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