The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
