I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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