You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
