What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
