Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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