her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
