My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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