the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
