Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
