I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
