the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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