Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
