There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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