we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
