I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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