Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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