I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
