My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm too high and old for this...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
