Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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