Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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