Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
