Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
