Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
