I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
