We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
