Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
