is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
