Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
