Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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