im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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