i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize