Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
