I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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