I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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