Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
