i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize