i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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