This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
