you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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