Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
