This is not my ceiling
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
