I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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