I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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