I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
