so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
