I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
