when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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