My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
