tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize