I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
