at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
