I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
