It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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