evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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