I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
try to milk me bitch
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize