i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
