Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
