I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
