I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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