I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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