Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
