i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
