Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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